He's gone

This morning we dropped Josh off at the airport and he's on his way to Georgia.

That was the most emotionally painful thing I've ever done. I cried the entire drive home, and anytime I'd start to regain my composure I would see something that reminded me of him and it would start all over again. All of the buildup before he was leaving, trying to ignore the pain of knowing it was coming, and then it was here and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It's like when you're a kid and you have to rip off a band aid. You know the pain is coming, and you do your best to ignore it, then someone just rips it off. The hardest part of all was hearing my daughters cry. Cody was crying most of the drive home, wanting her daddy. It broke my heart. Now I just keep questioning myself and my ability to do this. This wasn't a see you in a few days, or even a few weeks, kinda goodbye. This was more than that. I've always appreciated all the sacrifices military families made, but now I am starting to understand them. I don't know how these families emotionally handle deployments, him leaving just for basic was hard enough.

All I can do is remind myself it's only a few months. Hopefully here in a few weeks we will have some answers on when his graduation date is. Then at least we can start counting down the days until we can see him again. I have taped a photo of our family above my computer at work, and as soon as I know, the countdown will be right next to it. I know for a fact he will be home by Christmas. So this year, I'm looking forward to it more than I ever have.

I am so grateful at the outpouring of support, love, and offers for help from all of our family and friends...so grateful. While no amount of words or actions will take away the pain I am feeling right now, they certainly help. I'm going to do my best to keep busy while he's gone, so I don't have time to think about it. I just know I need to allow myself to cry when I feel the need to, because holding it in isn't going to do me any good.

Please keep the girls and I in your prayers, and even more importantly, my husband. I never imagined I would be married to a hero, yet here I am.